


Bigger than my bad habits

by Esinde Nayrall (red_squared)



Series: The Scorching One [8]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Community: rs_small_gifts, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-18
Updated: 2010-12-18
Packaged: 2017-10-19 02:50:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/196019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/red_squared/pseuds/Esinde%20Nayrall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When you can't fight, what can you do?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bigger than my bad habits

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kyasuriin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyasuriin/gifts).



> Written for [](http://rs-small-gifts.livejournal.com/profile)[**rs_small_gifts**](http://rs-small-gifts.livejournal.com/) 2010 for [](http://kyasuriin.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://kyasuriin.livejournal.com/)**kyasuriin** 's first request: 'post-Hogwarts era/pre-Azkaban, living together fic (either established or getting together)'. Originally posted [here](http://rs-small-gifts.livejournal.com/114275.html).

_We can be bigger than my bad habits_  
_Over my dead body but still_  
_If I am awake in the morning_  
_We'll be royal in the afternoon_

("Royal in the afternoon" -- From The Whitlams' "Torch the Moon")

~~*~~

"Are you moving out?"

"I told you that I'd be visiting my mother for a few days," Remus says as patiently as he can. "Do you think I'd move out without saying something to you first?"

"Yes."

Remus blinks at that, unsure of what to say. Sirius uses his hesitation to come to Remus' side of the table and kneel beside his chair, looking up at him.

"Not on purpose, but you might," Sirius says, taking one of Remus' hands in his own and clasping it tight. "It'd start out as a short visit, but you'd find some reason to extend it, and then it'll be a few months later and—"

"You're being paranoid," he says firmly."Look, it's been seven years of only being able to see her during the holidays, and even then I'd spend more than half of them with my father, or with you and the others or _something_ , but now I can visit her whenever it's convenient—"

"—and that just happens to be after we have a really big argument? Come on, Remus, I'm not stupid. Stop pretending to be reasonable, and—"

"I'm not pretending to be reasonable!"

"Stop _lying_ to me, please," Sirius says, and Remus finds that he can't snap back because Sirius sounds genuinely worried. Not impatient or furious like he was this morning.

"If you don't want to come home then you needn't, but _say_ that it's because you're upset and you don't want to talk to me or see me right now." Sirius manages this last with a small smile before he lets go of Remus' hand and straightens up. "I've said this before, though, and I'll say it again, whatever it is that I've done to upset you...I won't know to stop doing it until you tell me."

"Yeah."

"And I know it was... well. One of the loudest fights we've had since we moved in together," Sirius says, still standing and looking down at him. "But I don't think it was about anything we haven't fought about before."

"It wasn't. I'm untidy and messy, and always accumulating clutter or getting your things scuffed up, all of which you knew before you agreed to live with me."

"Right. And I'm fussy and uptight, and a small-minded pedant who can't sleep at night unless everything is just _so_ , and you knew all of _that_ before you agreed to move in with me, so — What is it?" Sirius asks, when Remus snorts.

"Exactly what you said. We don't live together. _I_ moved in with _you_."

"Pardon?"

"It's your flat, which I moved into."

"Don't be stupid! How can it be my flat alone when you were the one who suggested we live together before I even started looking for it?"

"That's not—! Sirius, it's _your flat_ , which means that I can't..."

"You can't what?" Sirius asks, the impatient snap in his tone entirely at odds with the distress on his face. "Remus, it's just as much your flat as it is mine."

"Well, if it's just as much my flat as it is yours, why does it have to be tidied to _your_ standards? To the point you feel its necessary to complain about it all day? Or you tidy my things away into one pile that's out of sight and out of mind, but they're _my_ things, and I don't want them shoved out of the way along with whatever other papers, letters, or unpaid bills you see fit to stack out of the way so that _you_ don't have to see them cluttering up the place!"

Sirius looks at him as if he's gone mad before saying, "Remus, I'd do the same thing when we were in your study back at school. And that was _your_ study because _you_ were the Prefect, but you never told me to stop tidying it up or fussing over the tea stains on the furniture. If it bothered you so much, you could have told me to—" Sirius stops what he's saying and looks at Remus a little too intently. "Is that what this is about? The flat's mine, so you can't tell me what to do?"

He turns away, unable to look at Sirius any more. "When I was searching for... I found the bill for the groceries. I can't... I can't pay that _and_ the rent this month."

"And you think I'd evict you after the first infraction?" He can hear the smile in Sirius' voice, which shows that Sirius thinks he doesn't mean it, but what he's said is a little too close to the mark.

"It might be the first time," he concedes, making himself look back at Sirius, "but do you think this won't happen again?"

"You _are_ moving out!" Sirius says in high alarm.

"Sirius, I'm not—"

"You _are_ , and does that mean... Does that mean you're _leaving_ me, as well?"

"Sirius, I'm not leaving you for anybody, I—"

"I didn't ask if you were leaving me for anybody, I asked if you were _leaving me._ Are you?"

"No! It's not impossible to be together without _living_ together, Padfoot." For some reason, he's reminded of his own parents, and then he makes a face because he doesn't want to think about them, or the time his mother told him that she and Remus' father would never marry one another because they were only 'physically compatible'.

"Why are you making that face?"

"You really don't want to know," he says, and he almost laughs at the idea of telling Sirius about his parents, but then he actually looks over to him and sees how tense he is. "It's about my parents. You _really_ don't want to know."

Sirius looks startled at this apparent non sequitur before visibly pulling himself together as something occurs to him. "You sold your father's research to pay for your half of the flat. That means you don't owe anybody any rent."

"I sold my father's research _to you_ ," he points out.

At far too high a price and back when he'd been stupidly and optimistically thinking that he could make this work. He hadn't been prepared for how much it _hurt_ not to have enough to carry his share of the expenses. _And it's only happened to you once, because four of your students came down with Dragon Pox and canceled their classes with you._ If three students cancel in a week, he can only just break even. And if it's more than that... _Perhaps I should insist on payment upfront,_ he thinks for a moment before dismissing the idea. With the moon's cycle, he's not entirely reliable himself and he can't insist on it from his students or their families. Particularly when most of them are Squibs and don't have much more money than he does.

"Yes, you sold it to me," Sirius agrees. "Do you remember _why_? It was so that you could buy it back," Sirius says before Remus can even open his mouth to respond. "Which _means_ that you're not paying rent, you bloody idiot, you're buying back your father's research. I'm not going to sell it to anybody but you, so there's no reason you need to worry about making every repayment on time."

"What happens if we split up?" All of the blood seems to drain out of Sirius' face at the very idea. "And you still own my father's research?"

"If we split up," Sirius says, his voice tight with strain, "then we _won't_ be living together anymore, and I'll give you back your father's documents and his books in exchange for your half of the flat. This isn't a trick, or charity, or anything like that, Remus. It's your flat, just as much as it is mine."

He's quiet for a moment before replying, because he can see how much it bothers Sirius to think about what might happen if they split up. _But he doesn't have to think about it, because he can look after himself. You **do** , because you can't depend on him. And if you piss him off too much, **he'll** be the one who wants to split up._

"So..." he says, reaching out for Sirius' hand and trying for a lighter tone of voice, "you won't make a fuss if I leave the evening's dishes in the sink until the morning before I wash them?"

"Of course I'll make a fuss, but you can tell me to shut up because it's _your_ flat as well. I mean it," Sirius says, when Remus laughs. "We row all the time, Remus. It's what makes us _us_. It isn't going to work if you feel as though you can't argue back in your own flat."

"Sirius..."

"So, are you coming home? You might think that not staying here for a few days means that we save money on groceries, but they've already been delivered. If you don't come back to help me eat them, then they're just going to rot."

"Most of them rot anyway," he points out.

Sirius has taken courses in nutrition as part of training to be a Healer, which means that every week, he'll make sure to order fresh fruit and vegetables in ridiculous amounts. He carefully arranges them in a basket on the counter top, where they sit for days and eventually go to waste, because neither of them actually eat them, before doing it all again the next week.

"Was that a criticism?" Sirius asks, but he is smiling, rather than staring down haughtily as if he's still the heir to the House of Black. "If it bothers you so much, why don't _you_ do the orders from now on?"

"Perhaps I will."

"So you'll come home?" Sirius persists.

"Of course I'm coming home," he says, smiling to himself because he can never really say 'no' to Sirius about anything, including the bloody dishes in the sink. "But after the weekend," he adds, feeling slightly guilty, because he _can't_ just walk off on his mother like that. "Why don't you come for dinner tonight? Mum would love to have you."

"And you're not going to run away again because you can't pay the bills? Or at least, not without talking to me about it first?" Sirius asks, holding Remus' gaze until he nods. "Good. You _bastard_ ," he adds, punching Remus in the shoulder before stepping in close and leaning into him. "You really had me worried."

"I'm sorry. I just..." It seems ridiculous in hindsight — he's only eighteen galleons short of his expenses, which he should be able to make up next month. That is, assuming that none of his students are suddenly ill. "I panicked," he admits, leaning back into Sirius and resting his head against Sirius' shoulder. "You can't tell me you've never done that."

"But I always come to you when I panic," Sirius points out.

"Yeah."

"If I do something that annoys you — and I _will_ do things that annoy you — you can say. Half the flat is yours. I'll keep saying it until you believe it."

"Mmm," he agrees, closing his eyes.

"And this is yours as well," Sirius adds, taking Remus' arms and wrapping them around his body. Remus hugs him close as Sirius adds, "I'll keep saying _that_ until you believe it, too."

**Author's Note:**

> All comments and kudos are appreciated and treasured -- even (especially?) on a fic as old as this one!


End file.
